Tuesday, May 1, 2012

What Makes a Woman Independent?

Independence. It's something everyone, male or female,  yearn for as a child, even more so when they reach their teens. High school graduates are anxious to move out of their parent's homes and spread their metaphorical 'wings' as they break free of their cocoons. No longer larva, or caterpillars, they are now butterflies.

The word independent has various meanings, twenty, according to dictionary.com. Yet, when it comes to the sexes, independence is a word with both positive and negative connotations, especially for women.

Let's explore a few of those meanings.

in*de*pend*ent (adjective)

1.not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself: an independent thinker.

Pretty self-explanatory, it could go for both men and women. This is the level teens strive for when separating themselves from their parents.

2. not subject to anothers authority or jurisdiction; autonomous; free: an independent businessman

You pretty much need to be this way these days in order to make ends meet...self-employed. If not, your hard pressed to find a job.
3.not relying on another or others for aid or support.

This could go either way, male or female, depending on whether or not they are financially able to take care of themselves without combining their income with others (roommates; renting a room)  in order to make ends meet.

4. rejecting others' aid or support; refusing to be under obligation to others.

Again, this could also be a male or female. This way of thinking is based on pride not allowing them to do otherwise. Even if that means running up every credit card, or worse, becoming enraged when others offer them assistance.

5.expressive of a spirit of independence; self-confident; unconstrained: a free and independent citizen.

This one, in my opinion, would be where most independent women (those who feel there is no need for a man in their life or significant other) tend to fall. 

Is this type of independence the kind every woman dreams of? Is it what they truly want out of life? Or do they feel or act that way because of what life has thrown at them? Are the daily challenges they face forcing them to take on that mentality in order to survive? 

Does an independent woman really want to be completely independent, free of romantic attachments, relationships, or responsibilities for the rest of her life?  

That is one of the questions asked in The Butterfly Memoirs. If you've been keeping up with the #Six Sentence Sunday blog post for the first book in the series, A Heart Not Easily Broken, you've been introduced to a few of the characters. If not, please scroll over to the tab and take a few minutes to aquaint yourself. 

Ebony Campbell is the central female character of the story. She's twenty-five, nearly done getting her college education, and single. She is smart, independent, and focused on reaching her goal. Since graduating high school, she has made it her life ambition to get the degree of Doctor of Veterinarian Medicine, so she can get her dream job of becoming a veterinarian. For seven years, she hasn't allowed a man to distract her in any way. 

           "What was the saying? ‘All work and no play make Jane a dull girl?’ It was something like that. But it didn’t matter. A relationship of any length, even temporary, was not a priority for me. 
             I did just fine on my own without a man in my life. I managed to pay my own bills. The only thing a man could do for me would be to keep me company at night. A nice firm body to lie against, and of course sex. Even that would require time and some form of commitment.
             Good sex led to feelings. Feelings led to love. Love led to marriage and kids. Three things I did not have time for…except for sex."- Ebony

With that mentality, would it be possible for her to leave that way of thinking behind if the right man came along? What would he have to say or do to make her feel differently? Well, you'll have to stick around to for more Six Sentence Sunday to see what happens next. Also, say tuned for further information as to when the book will be available so you can read the whole story.
Until then, all my independent ladies (as you see, independence comes in more than just one way), I am including this video for you to enjoy, Independent, by Destiny's Child. When your done rocking out, please post your comments.

Last but not least, here's some food for thought: 

“A woman does not need a man to feel complete. Neither does she need to be single to be independent.” ~Mariluz Lozada

So, are you and independent woman? 


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  1. Well now! LOL!! First, I'd have to agree with the end quote as it sums it all up very nicely.

    With regard to being an "independent woman", my comments below are a reflection of my own past experiences.

    Ok, so I made bad choices, but I've reconciled with those experiences and if it weren't for those experiences, I wouldn't be who I am; achieved what I have achieved. So, I am thankful for the lessons I've learned from them.

    Everything Ebony states above has been stated by me, almost verbotem. But I have not closed that door. These days, I would say I've softened up a bit. For me the best relationships are those in which there are his and her homes.

    As a woman in her mid fifties, I've been single a long time, but I've not been a nun living in a convent during that time.

    I've raised my family as one; I purchased my apartment on my own, I support myself with a good job that I enjoy and I am an independent author. So yea, I'm one of the lucky ones ... really!

    However, that is not to say that if the right person came along, I wouldn't make room for that person in my life. I think that the best fit for me would be someone who's life mirrors my own. It would be nice if he had his own thing going on and together, we found a way to link our lives, thus supporting one another.

    I'd still consider myself an independent woman in such circumstances.

    Oh! And he's got to be able to make me laugh :) I don't care about the lines that will spider on my face because life is too short not to laugh!!


  2. You say "expressive of a spirit of independence; self-confident; unconstrained: a free and independent citizen...where most independent women (those who feel there is no need for a man in their life or significant other"
    I have a great husband and marriage, am totally committed to both and fall into this category of independence, too. Being independent and married are not mutually exclusive.

  3. I can support myself and am pretty confident, but am also dependent on many people for enrichment. Without my husband, children, family and friends, my life would be very lonely. I'm thankful for them every day.